A Spicy Surprise

This morning I woke up thinking of a moment I shared years ago with Cindy, one of my first girlfriends.

Early in the afternoon one sunny summer day, the two of us were at the county fair in Indianola, where this carnie, who was like an uncle to Cindy, worked. Even now, I remember how it was unusual because we were going to the fair no more than an hour or two before we both worked later that afternoon.

When Cindy introduced the two of us, she brought up her ‘uncle’s’ reputation for making this really, really spicy chili… And how I enjoyed spicy hot foods.

Still making nice pleasant conversation, Cindy’s ‘uncle’ goes into the kitchen of his trailer and brings out an unmarked box.

I should have been worried when he opened the box and I saw this tiny container amidst all the padding inside.

I should have been worried when he opened the ceramic container with every bit of the caution and care you’d expect from someone handling dynamite.

I really should have been worried when he carefully dipped the toothpick one quarter of its length into this substance and spent several seconds more than necessary shaking off the excess.

Nope, not me. I loved all things spicy. I put that toothpick in my mouth and sucked it dry. Cindy’s ‘uncle’ had a smile plastered from ear to ear. Cindy was already laughing. With great bravado, I swished the flavor around in my salivating mouth... Then the burn hit.

To say it was hot would do this substance a stupendous injustice; like saying the fires of hell are nothing more than a small campfire to toast marshmallows over. I could feel myself sweating, as water filled my eyes unbidden. A whole series of exclamations and curses ran through my mind. With certainty, I knew I had been setup.

With all the calm I could muster, I pretended nothing was amiss… and I planned out revenge. Politely declining the offer of a soda pop, water, or milk; I wiped the water from my eyes and complimented him on his prized ingredient. Smiling, I politely asked him a few questions about it. With the exception of a little water in my eyes, they had noticed no other outward reaction from me. This they had not been expecting… And their jubilation crumbled. Cindy’s laughter changed to a disbelieving smile.

A minute or so after the conversation shifted from spicy foods, I politely reminded Cindy that we were both due at work in a little bit and that we should be going. On the way out to the car, I lightly touched her hand and smiled at her. Taking my hand in hers, she smiled. My resolve weakened. After getting into my car, she stated that she knew her ‘Uncle’ was going to bring out his secret ingredient as he had many times before, and asked for forgiveness. It was then that I realized that not only had she set me up but she had also orchestrated the entire thing.

Getting in the car, with new resolve I said something like, ‘I’ll forgive you with a kiss.’ It was a very passionate kiss, my tongue purposely seeking her own. As she began melting into my arms, it hit her. I had not washed his secret ingredient down with anything… I even went so far as to make every effort not to salivate. With that kiss, we shared more than love and forgiveness… We shared in each other’s pain. She went into hysterics, stammering out several of the exclamations and curses I had thought of earlier.

She directed me to the nearest convenience store where she proceeded to pick out a 20oz bottle of Coke. Smiling at her, I paid for the coke and two Quik strawberry milks. By the time we got out to the car, she had down half her soda… And again was stammering out a series of exclamations and curses. Apparently she had never learned that carbonated beverages open up the taste buds…

Smiling, I handed her a Quik strawberry milk and told her to drink it slowly swishing it around in her mouth… Explaining, in between my own efforts to counter this spicy burning, about carbonated beverages.

I woke up fondly smiling at this memory.

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