"Top Ten Surprises In The New James Bond Movie"

10. Goodbye, Martinis -- Hello, Colt.45.
9. Bond's mission: To find the last "Sing 'n Snore Ernie."
8. He loses all his money when a pickpocket guesses that his ATM code is "007."
7. He now introduces himself as "Bond. Jimmy Bond."
6. When he says, "Shaken, not stirred," bartender says, "Whatever you say, you fruity English bastard."
5. Cameo by Roger Moore wearing his actual uniform from Foot Locker.
4. For some reason, everyone refers to him as "Puff Bondy."
3. He does the whole movie in a lame, phony British accent.
2. During love scenes, 007 looks more like 003 and a half.
1. His only gadget: A really bitchin' waffle iron.