Money For Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies
[Money For Nothing/Dire Straits/1985]
Beverly
Beverly Hillbillies
Now, looka here, people, listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know somethin', that poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed
Now lemme tell ya, one day he was shootin'
Ol' Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden, right up from the ground there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude
Oil, that is, well, maybe you call it
Black gold or Texas tea
He gonna move next to Mr. Drysdale
And be a Beverly Hillbilly
Before you know it, all the kinfolk are a-sayin'
Yeah, Buddy, move away from there
That litle Clampett got his own cee-ment pond
That little Clampett, he's a millionaire
Now everyone said Californy
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to Beverly
Hills, that is
Swimmin' pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh, looka that looka that
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
Y'all come back now, hear?
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
(beverly, beverly, beverly hillbilly)
Attack Of The Radioactive Hamsters From A Planet Near Mars
They showed up on my doorstep
Just a couple weeks ago
They looked so sweet and harmless
Tell me, how was I to know?
They got a little too close to the microwave
And then much to my surprise
They grew to forty thousand times their original size
They started mutatin' right before my eyes, oh my
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars
A race from a distant place, they came in UFO's shaped just like Cuban cigars
Man, oh man, you oughta hear 'em squeal
Now the whole wide world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars
The president, he's in a panic
The Pentagon, they're in shock
There's a team of research scientists
They got 'em workin' 'round the clock
Now the National Guard is out in my backyard
And the Marines will be comin' around
I hope they get these lousy rodents out of my town
'Cause the property values are goin' way down, now
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars
They're back and they're lookin' for a snack
And they're not that fond of Burger Kings or salad bars
I hope they're not plannin' to stay
Who invited them here anyway? br>Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a
planet near Mars
Well well, look at that hamster, he's as big as a blimp
And there's one the size of Central Park
They're usin' telephone poles to pick their teeth
They're evil and nasty, and they glow in the dark
Well don't waste any more of your bullets, boys
You know it just makes 'em mad when you shoot
They're gonna stomp us into jelly, and conquer the world
But you gotta admit, they're really kinda cute now
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars
What a racket they're makin', Jack
They keep me up at night playin' their electric guitars
Listen to 'em squeal
They think the whole stinkin' world is their exercise wheel
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a planet near Mars
Hey, Jack, you better watch your back
Here come those Hamsters from a planet near Mars
Well, well, it's called the
Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters
From a planet
A planet near Mars
Isle Thing
[Wild Thing/Tone Loc/1988]
Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K
She made a date for a half past eight, and I said, "What the hey"
So I journeyed to her crib, and I let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch
I think her brain was fried
Couldn't figure it out, she wouldn't even look at me
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized
Cold glued to her TV
Said, "What's your problem, baby doll? Let's have a little fling"
She said, "Hey, you fool, now just be cool
I'm watchin' that Gilligan's Isle Thing"
Isle Thing
Isle Thing
Watchin' all night
Must've been a marathon
I was bummin', those shows kept comin'
Here's what was goin' on
These castaways were stranded on this island out at sea
One of 'em called Gilligan said, "Let's name it after me"
He'd mess up every rescue
Man, that first mate was illin'
If I was one of them castaways, I think I'd probably kill him
Just about that time, the telephone began to ring
She said, "Just let it, my machine'll get it
We're watchin' the Gilligan's Isle Thing"
Isle Thing
She loves that Gilligan's Isle Thing
Isle Thing
Please, baby baby, please
I liked the professor
He always saved their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts
She said, "That guy's a genius"
I shook my head and laughed
I said, "If he's so fly, then tell me why he couldn't build a lousy raft?
And while we're on the subject, I'll tell you one thing for sure
Those homeboys brought an awful lot for just a three-hour tour"
Then her mom came in the room. It was kind of embarrassing
She said, "Hey, you two, I was once like you
And I love that Gilligan's Isle Thing"
Isle Thing
She'd watch that Gilligan's Isle Thing
Please, baby baby, please
Skipper's in a ha mock
He's lookin' kinda fat
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit ol' Gilligan with his hat
Mrs. Howell got it goin' on, but Mr. Howell was meaner
Ginger and Mary Ann could've used some funky cold medina
I was really diggin' this show
I didn't know what to do
It kinda looked like I was hooked
Now I'm an addict too
I know each episode by heart
Now I'm the Rerun King
And on every date we both say up late
And watch the Gilligan's Isle Thing
Isle Thing
Hasta la vista, Little Buddy
Gilligan's Isle Thing
The Hot Rocks Polka
[/The Rolling Stones]
[It's Only Rock 'n' Roll (But I Like It)]
If I could stick my hand in my heart
Spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy you, would it slide on by you
Would you think the boy is strange?
Ain't it stra-a-ange
If I could win, if I could sing
A love song so divine
Would it be enough for your cheating heart
If I broke down and cried?
If I cri-i-ied?
I said ah, no, it's only rock 'n' roll, but I like it
Ah, no, it's only rock 'n' roll, but I like it, like it, yes I do
I really really really really do do do do do, hey!
[Brown Sugar]
Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver, know he's doing all right
Hear him with the women just around midnight
Brown sugar!
How come you taste so good?
Brown sugar!
Just like a young girl should
[You Can't Always Get What You Want]
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was a footloose man
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you might find
You get what you need
[Honky Tonk Women]
You need honky tonk women
Gimme gimme gimme the honky tonk blues
[Under My Thumb]
Under my thumb, the girl who once had me down
Under my thumb, the girl who once pushed me around
It's down to me, yes it is
The way she talks when she's spoken to
Down to me, the change has come, she's under my thumb
[Ruby Tuesday]
So goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still, I'm gonna miss you
[Miss You]
(Hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo)
(Hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo hoo-oo, hoo-oo hoo-oo)
[Sympathy For The Devil]
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name
'Cause what's puzzling you is the nature of my game
[Get Off Of My Cloud]
I said hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud
Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud
Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud
Don't hang around, 'cause two's a crowd
[Shattered]
(Shadoobie, shattered)
(Shadoobie, shattered)
Laughter, joy and loneliness and sex and sex and sex and sex
Look at me
I'm in tatters
(Shadoobie, shattered)
I'm shattered
(Shadoobie, shattered)
[Let's Spend The Night Together]
This doesn't happen to me every day, wo my
(Let's spend the night together)
No excuses offered anyway, oh my
(Let's spend the night together)
I'll satisfy your every need
(Every need)
And now I know you'll satisfy me
My my my my my my my my my
Let's spend the night together.
Now I need you more than ever
Let's spend the night together
Now
[(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction]
I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no girly action
'Cause I've tried (and I've tried) and I've tried (and I've tried)
And I've tried (and I've tried) and I've tried (and I've tried)
I can't get no
I can't get no
I...can't...get...no...
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Satisfaction
Hey!
UHF
Put down your remote control, throw out your TV guide
Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside
Don't you know that we control the horizontal
We control the vertical, too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That's what we're goin' to do, now
Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all on UHF
Disconnect the phone, now, leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework, prime time ain't no time to think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you things you ain't ever seen
If you know what I mean, now
Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up your volume and yank off your knob
We got it all, we got it all on UHF
You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night
You can watch us any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
Till your brain turns to cottage cheese
Well, now, don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
You gotta crank up the volume, yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all on
UHF
Generic Blues
I woke up this mornin'
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this mornin'
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kinda feelin'
Like I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is tryin' to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'?
Well, I ain't got no money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
So I'm just walkin' down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code
I was born in a paper sack, in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tile
My brothers and sisters all hated me,'cause I was an only child
I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead
I'm just a no-good, scum-sucking, nose-picking, boot-licking,
snivelling, grovelling worthless hunk of slime
Nothin' but a low-down, beer-bellied, bone-headed, pigeon-toed,
turkey-necked, weasel-faced worthless hunk of slime
I guess I've got a pretty low self-image
Maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time
Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk
Okay, now make it shut up
Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain
I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid-lookin'
shirt and go bowling Instead
Spatula City
There's just one place to go for all your spatula needs:
Spatula City! Spatula City!
A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose
from, in every shape, size and color.And because we eliminate the
middle man, we can sell factory direct to you. Where do you go when
you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Spatula City! Spatula City!
And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale.
Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth for just one penny.
Don't forget, they make great Christmas presents. And what better
way to say, "I Love You" than with the gift of a spatula.
Spatula City! Spatula City!
"Hello, this is Sy Greemsley, president of Spatula City.
I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company."
Spatula City!
Seven locations. We're in the Yellow Pages under spatulas.
"My, where did you get that lovely spatula?"
"Spatula City. We sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Spam
[Stand/R.E.M./1988]
Spam in the place where I live (Ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my lunchbox at work (It's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all
If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home (Ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now? (Let's eat)
Spam in my office at work (It's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's mystery meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermos to help wash it down
Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home (Have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the label now (Oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch (It's the best)
Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold
Now once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh spam, spam (Ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (Oh boy)
Spam, spam (It's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice i
Spam in the place where I live (Have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now (Let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work (You're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car (Ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (Spam any place that you are)
The can is there to open the spam (Spam any place that you are)
Oh spam
The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota
Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After workin' all year down at Big Roy's Heating and Plumbing
So one night, when my family and I were gathered round the
dinner table, I said
"Kids... If you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go to?"
They said, "Dad...
We wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
So the very next day we loaded up the car with potato skins
and pickled weiners Crossword puzzles, Spiderman comics
and mama's homemade rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway, and the neighbors, they all
waved goodbye And so began our three-day journey
We picked up a guy holdin' a sign that said "Twine Ball or Bust"
He smelled real bad, and he said his name was Bernie
I put in a Slim Whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumpin' up and down, yellin'
"Are we there yet?" And all of us were joined together in
one common thought As we rolled down the long and winding
Interstate in our '53 DeSoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Oh, we couldn't wait to get there, so we drove straight through
for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy, I wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car because the
windows are completely covered with the decals from all the
places where we've already been
Like Elvis-a-Rama, the Tupperware Museum
The Boll Weevil Monument, and Cranberry World
The Shuffleboard Hall of Fame, Poodle Dog Rock
And the Mecca of Albino Squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, steam parks, wax museums
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
Seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches
But there's still one thing we've gotta see
Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw the sign that said, "Twine Ball Exit - fifty miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy, they started singing
"99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" for
the twenty-seventh time that day
So we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest b ll of twine in Minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Finally at 7:37 early Wednesday evening, as the sun was
setting in the Minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon it appeared to me
like a vision before my unbelieving eyes
We parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence
toward that glorious, huge, majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer immensity, I had
to pop myself a beer Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open
10 to 8 on weekdays, in a little shrine under a makeshift
pagoda There sits the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Ohhh, what on Earth would make a man decide to do
that kind of thing Ohhh, windin' up twenty-one thousand,
one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he tryin' to prove?
Who was he tryin' to impress?
Why did he build it? How did he do it?
It's anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine?
What was goin' through his mind?
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time?
Well, we walked up beside it, and I warned the kids
"Now you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "Maybe if you're good, I'll tie it to the back of our car,
and we can take it home."
But I was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line, bought a
souvenir miniature ball of twine
Some window decals, and anything else they'd sell us
And I bought a couple postcards: "Greetings from the
Twine Ball, wish you were here"
Won't the folks back home be jealous
I gave our camera to Bernie, and we stood by the ball
And we all gathered around and said, "Cheese"
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic
But at least we've got our memories
So we all just stared at the ball for awhile
And my eyes got moist, but I said with a smile
"Kids, this here's what America's all about"
Then I started feelin' kinda gooey inside
And I fell on my knees and I cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, I bet if we unravelled that sucker, it'd roll all
the way down to Fargo, North Dakota
'Cause it's the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Well, we stayed that night at the Twine Ball Inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't wanna leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "Folks, I can tell you're all sad to go"
Then I winked my eye and I said, "You know
I got a funny kinda feeling we'll be coming back again next year"
'Cause I've been all around this great big world and I can't
think of anywhere else I'd rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota