- LOS ANGELES -- Thank
heavens George W. Bush is a Compassionate Conservative.' What if we'd
actually screwed up and gotten the other kind?
-
- You know, that uptight hypocritical self-righteous
HUAC/Watergate/Iran-Contra Precious Bodily Fluids' bunch with the bitter
religious friends who see a few witch dunkings and an occasional holy
war as good for the national soul?
-
- The ultra-rich, cynical types who know that sex sells
but fear gets you re-elected? The sort to whom a free election' is just
another form of hostile corporate takeover? The kind who'll proudly
photo-op with our brave troops on Fox News while screwing them out of
their pay raise?
-
- Those Conservatives?
-
- Wow, we're damned lucky we got the Compassionate
ones...
-
- If we'd got that other bunch to run the country they'd
probably have us in a trumped up war by now as their rich corporate
buddies looted the national treasure.
-
- Nothing like that going on here...relax, no
problem...everything is fair and balanced.
-
- Ever notice nobody ever had to run as a Compassionate
Liberal?'
-
- Fortunately for all of us, just after 9/11, Mr. Bush
and Congress quietly passed the "Lying S.O.B. Act." This
little-understood legislation, approved by voice vote in the dark of
night, assures the President and his men full latitude in their "War on
Reality."
-
- For generations the Republicans have said the only
thing wrong with America is all those pesky Liberal reporters and their
stupid, disloyal questions. Now they don't even have to cross their
fingers behind them as they make up an answer.
-
- The Bush folks stand ready on a minute's notice to
boldly go on national TV and deny anything that actually happened if it
could hurt their President's approval rating. They imply this is all
God's work, but when you strip away all the flag waving and holy
rolling, they're pretty much just like all con men, but with deployed
troops.
-
- To the Bush people, Crisis Management' isn't about
dealing with the actual crisis, but knowing how to carefully grab the
media and shape public indifference to avoid taking the blame. So far
it's been almost a complete success.
-
- A little thing like the truth will never get in the
way of Mr. Bush's second term.
-
- When a child lies, it's called a fib. When a teen
lies, it's called growing pains. When a grownup lies it's called...a
lie.
-
- When the Bush Administration lies, it's called
policy.'
-
- The Bush folks actually work for the American people,
but they reject all oversight. Mr. Bush won't duscuss what he was told
about terrorism leading up to 9/11 and why he didn't prevent it. Mr.
Cheney has gone to court to hide details of meetings with his Oil Patch
friends just before the Towers fell.
-
- Mr. Rumsfeld won't talk about anything he said before
ten minutes ago. The Reverend Mr. Ashcroft is going on the road to
demand an even stronger USA Patriot Act, but won't discuss Justice Dept.
failures in the pre-9/11 era, or questionable moves since that may
invalidate future terror prosecutions.
-
- The new Bush redacted version of the US Constitution
will fit on a postage stamp.
-
- The pursuit of happiness' will be downgraded to a
chance to watch its limo speed by on the way to a Bohemian Grove
cookout. If you never heard of the Bohemian Grove, or the Skull and
Bones, then you probably still think we're a nation of laws. In America
today, some animals are more equal than others. Big Money can do that
for you.
-
- Success for today's neo-conservatives is all about
appearing upbeat.'
-
- The war is a disaster, but Mr. Bush is upbeat. The
economy and unemployment suck, but Mr. Bush is upbeat. His poll numbers
are tanking, but Mr. Bush is upbeat. The 9/11 terrorists he promised to
catch are free and coming back, but Mr. Bush is upbeat.
-
- To listen to him you'd think he wasn't actually
involved at all. Perhaps he's not.
-
- Mr. Bush is the latest in a string of Republican
"Photo-Presidents." Mr. Nixon was the last guy clearly in command, and
his people dutifully followed him off the Watergate cliff, like grateful
lemmings in grey suits. Mr. Ford, Mr. Reagan, Bushes 41 and 43 clearly
are just front men, and all have been fully staffed,' which is wonkspeak
for committee leadership.' Imagine ten shady characters actually calling
the shots backstage. They have the combined net worth of South America,
and the combined IQ of Dan Quayle.
-
- Everybody hailed the unique Reagan Style' of White
House management, but then we all woke up one morning in 1987 to
discover the Gipper was just a nice old actor and some oddball Marine
Lt. Colonel was actually in charge of our failed US foreign policy. Bush
41 was out of that loop.' Bush 43 has the spark and vitality of a man
who lets others do his worrying. Who these secret people' are and what
they said and did in his name in this tortured year will doubtless be
the subject of a lot of future legalities.
-
- Mr. Bush is bullish on America. Mr. Bush's whole team
is just full of bullish.
-
- Nobody is more bullish on Iraq than its ruling
tribune, L. Paul Bremer, III.
-
- To listen to him you have to wonder if he's in the
same Baghdad they talk about on the news. Mr. Bremer's Iraq is right on
track and headed to glory.
-
- He runs something called the Coalition Provisional
Authority (CPA).
-
- You can visit his web site at: http://cpa-iraq.org/.
It too is very upbeat, like if the Junior Chamber of Commerce had a
field office in Hell. All bullish, all the time! Fair and balanced. Fair
and balanced.
-
- It was a just another typical Summer week in Baghdad
for Mr. Bremer. It's a balmy 122 degrees in the shade at noon, and the
living and dying are easy.
-
- The new 950 km-long Iraq Oil Pipeline to Turkey opened
for business last week, then some untidy local folks blew it up twice on
Friday near Baiji, 200 km northeast of Baghdad and cut off the vital
flow of Iraqi oil profits to Halliburton. Some other upset folks also
reportedly hit a major fresh water main in Baghdad on Sunday that
created an instant urban swimming hole. Over 300,000 Iraqis are now
without water for a second day.
-
- Death continued to claim US troops in ones and twos.
Mr. Bremer dismisses those behind the violence as upset former Saddam
supporters.' How he determines this is not clear. In the US, highly
decorated military vets and the parents of troops serving in Iraq have
joined to call for the kids to be brought home. Letters from the kids
themselves reportedly tell of shortages, limited water rations, and
growing discontent.
-
- Mr. Rumsfeld's War on the Cheap' concept lies broken
in the blowing sand.
-
- Reuters reports their respected videographer, Mazen
Dana, 43, was shot dead Sunday by US troops outside Baghdad's Abu
Ghurayb prison after a mortar attack. Journalists on scene accused the
troops of behaving in a "crazy" and negligent fashion. The Pentagon said
Mr. Dana's small video camera was mistaken for a grenade launcher. Dana
was the 18th journalist to die covering the war. He leaves a wife and
four kids.
-
- Mr. Bremer seems well equipped for his Iraq mission
and comes from over a decade at Kissinger Associates, the shadowy despot
repair firm headed by Henry Kissinger, Mr. Nixon's former Secretary of
State. Mr. Kissinger and his people never met a ruthless dictator they
didn't like, and couldn't help, for a price.
-
- When the elderly Butchers of Tiananmen Square realized
their use of tanks and machine guns on unarmed students in 1989 wasn't
playing well in the world press, they reportedly hired Henry the K' and
his people even before all the blood had dried.
-
- Traditionally, a spin doctor' attempts to put the best
public face on a bad situation, but Mr. Bremer is trained to take
obfuscation and dissembly to a point that alters the atomic weight of
reality until it can be more easily digested. If the Manson Family had
hired Kissinger they'd not only be out of jail, they'd have their own
hit cable talk show.
-
- Writing political satire used to be a noble calling.
You read the news, twisted a notion beyond reason, and concocted an
implausible ditty. The humor was in the absurdity.
-
- Lately, no matter what crackpot scheme you dream up,
you discover the Bush people have already been there. Bombastic folly,
abject stupidity, and vacant hubris are hard to send up, but as a
national agenda they seem to be working for the Republicans. They
practically invented Unrealpolitik.
-
- Consider Mr. Bush and the environment. Depending on
rich oil men to preserve America's wild lands is like hiring a pedophile
to babysit your kids. Mr. Bush still doesn't believe Global Warming
exists. The Republicans have stalled meaningful energy legislation for
years as they tie it to unnecessary drilling in the pristine Arctic
National Wildlife Refuge. They skipped mentioning that when the lights
went out in the North East last week. To the Bush people, Pristine'
simply means -- we haven't drilled there yet...
-
- Remember when we were all sure Mr. Bush's term would
be a pale copy of his father's presidency? It's playing more like
"Herbert Hoover II," as Mr. Bush puts us all in hock and gives into the
wiles of that eternal temptress, Rosy Scenario. The Republicans seem
convinced America needs a good bankrupting -- financially and
morally.
-
- The Bush folks talk constantly about their values and
faith in the Almighty. Indeed, they all seem to have accepted Bechtel as
their personal Savior.
-
- Whatever your views, this is going to be the most
critical election in US history, and in the 63 weeks until November 2,
2004, some glaring questions arise:
-
- What did the President know, and when was he told to
forget he knew it?
-
- Can we be governed by honest people who aren't
corporate bag men?
-
- Why are we in a bottomless Iraqi holy war the whole
World tried to tell us not to start?
-
- Why do the most petty evangelical holymen' get to vet
everything Mr. Bush does?
-
- Most importantly, why can't we have a chief executive
who can clearly express a complete thought without reading from a
card?
-
- The people behind Mr. Bush used to be called the
lunatic fringe.' Now, they're the lunatic middle.
-
- They'll continue to bleed us of our rights and
national wealth until we stop them decisively at the ballot box.
-
- Their smarmy combination of strident greed and pious
hypocrisy has rattled down through the ages. History hasn't taught us
yet how to completely prevent them rising again, but it has shown us
that what they propose never really works, especially in a
democracy...
-
- The wild card in all this is still Mr. Cheney, who
many believe is actually running the show. If Americans underestimate
his power, then they don't Dick.
-
- The Republicans are really counting on that...
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- _______________________________________________________
________
-
- B. Rehak is a writer in California, and can be reached
via www.columnleft.com
-
- Copyright © 1994-2003 www.columnleft.com All Rights
Reserved
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