Postcards from Nowhere

Then it all came unglued

I've been a bit depressed the last few days. Not exactly sorrowful, but just not feeling like doing much. It's part of the reason I haven't written in a while. The other part is that I've been really busy. (Not so busy that I couldn't have come on once in a while, but because I just did not feel like coming on.) But with Halloween just around the sunrise, I'm feeling a bit excited even though I'm not really doing anything.

I spent last weekend visiting relatives from Michigan. They're all old and a bit boring, but certainly more enjoyable than my (younger) reliatives that I usually am with. (They were there too) I re-met my now-favorite relative, Alan. He's about oh, 80 or so, but you wouldn't know it. He's really funny and kind. You can tell he really loves his wife. Everywhere we would go he would say, "Now, where's my favorite wife?". It was really cute. He married into the family; it must have brought the gene pool up quite a bit. (My mother is adopted, so I don't exactly concider myself complete relative to them. I feel a bit like Alan must- part of the family, but still an outsider.)

Well, because of my short attention span at the moment and the lack of time before class, I'm going to go. I'll try to be back soon. Don't give up on me! LOL

I need to get a life

My life is rated PG-13.
What is your life rated?

We Ain't All Perfect

Which HP Kid Are You?

That quiz is quite correct, I am a bit bossy at times (don't get me started about something that happened lastnight!), and I often have to keep myself from being a know it all... LOL, so *shrugs* what am I going to do?

Can I ever get anything done?

I've been meaning to change the layout for this blog for months, but I still haven't even started. This new one is another TEMPORARY one. Although I do like it... but it isn't what I'm looking for exactly.

It is the dreaded Record Book time again. I have to do them at the end of each 4-H year, this is my last one! YEAHHH!!! This year they finally got them so they are templates on the computer. I used to have to type it all out, paste it on to the forms and all that crap. So, I have six days to get mine done because next Saturday I'm going to a Roman reenactment thing at the local art museum, and then on Sunday, the day they are due, I have an animal sale. So... I should be on here, but instead typing in my record book!

Tell me how you like the new look, and see you all soon.
Kat

Join the crowd

I now have a photoblog. I figure since I am planning on taking a lot of photos, I might as well have one instead of cluttering up this page with them. If you want to see it, go here.

I think I may be a groupie

You all must check out this page:

ish

ISH is the best band that I know. Okay, so I may be biased in that statement for I know the rhythm guitarist, but... come on! They are good! If you follow the link from the page after the first one, you can hear three of their songs. I am really wanting one of their cds.... I am going to order one asap! I just haven't gotten around to it... so, when you check out the page, check out the bio of Dan De Haan. That is the guy I know. He's really cool, and like his bio says, he's changed a ton the past year. He used to be a really upright kind of guy and now, he's really laid back. You can barely tell that it is the same guy from his looks. He's still the same quiet person, but still, he has changed. Just a few days ago I said that he had screwed himself up, but I was wrong. I am jelous of him. He has a dream, and I think he will achieve it.

Who is Kat?

Kat is the name that a girl gave herself. KT is the name that her childhood best friend gave her. KT KaT is the name that her younger brother gave her. Katherine is the name that her mother gave her.

She was born in a city of a northern Midwestern state of the United States of America on August 17, 1985. She was reborn many times since. The first was when her brother was born on a snowy winter day in 1990. The second, when she moved on her fifth birthday to a different state. She had moved before, but this time it was different. The most recent, last Sunday. She decided to start over her life, make it better.

She has begun to ponder life greatly. "Why are we here?" "When do we know that we are there?" Just questions that she thinks about.

What is KT KaT sKaT?
It is her journey. It is her journal. It is her life as she wants you to see it. She shows a majority of things, not all, but not little. All of it is true. All of it is from the delvings.

Who will Kat be?
She does not know that. No one does. She hopes that she will be great. She has dreams. She hopes that she has enough time to reach them for it seems like there never is enough time. That is why she does not like to waste it.

Not even a policeman will stop me

Yesterday I got my letter from the State Fair saying I got the job. I'll be working August 4-17. The 17th is my birthday. I might be able to get off. It doesn't really matter. I usually spend my birthday at the State Fair anyway. I think I have just about the best job on the grounds. All I have to do is take pictures, crop them, and write captions for them. It is going to be great. I'll be making about five hundred dollars, and I need it.
I'm already deciding what to spend it on. First, I am going to get a checking account. It is a little hard to carry five hundred dollars around in your pocket. Second, I am going to buy a clutch for my car. Third, I am going to get a digital camera. Fourth, if I still have money left, I am going to get a big comfy chair for my room to read in. Fifth, if I still manage to have some left, I am going to buy art supplies (paper, canvas, oil pastels...). Oh, actually, second, I am going to pay my brother ten dollars for doing my chores.

I have decided what I am going to do this fall. I am going to enroll at the community college and get a job. I have to. I am almost done with my high school work so there is no reason for me not to. With my first paycheck, I am going to buy the stuff I didn't buy with my state fair money and also shears for my sheep and llamas. Lately, I have been working all the time. I hardly watch TV. That is VERY good. I am going to continue doing this. I am not going to stop.

I'll be back soon,
K

Vision for the day: He stood in the distance, blurred against the ocean.

I told you it would come

I had mentioned that I had written a post offline awhile back. I mentioned it in this entry.

Here it is finally:

10:45 pm June 17th, 2003
Tonight I lived what I would call my very first real-city experience. I saw the lights, the skyline, the people, and smelled the International cusine of the world.
I saw, heard, and smelled life. It was wonderful.
Not normally do I chronicle things so soon after experiencing them, but tonight- tonight I felt fulfilled.
I was riding on a bus through Minneapolis. It is so much MORE than Des Moines, which up until now, I concidered a city. Des Moines is no comparison to Minneapolis. never will I ritiqule it.
The people here are very little different than the people home in Iowa. In fact for approxamently a second I thought I was on a busload of Iowans, not Minnesotians.
In reality, I find people in Minnesota, or at least the 4-H youth, more enjoying life. They are not so stuck up and pompus as people in Iowa. They enjoy games and songs. They act like fools and enjoy it. i am finding that perhaps my father is right. Iowans are snobs. Perhaps my peculiar habits and actings come from the fact that I was born in Wisconson, and not only Wisconson, but Madison, WI. Madison is, from what I've heard, different from everyother city. Maybe Minneapolis is too. Although with St. Paul just across the river, it cannot be too much different from that.
I have been filled with questions the past two days. I also have enjoyed sharing, even if the ears aren't actually listening.
Tomorrow I am joining in the festivities. I will be "appearing" on the "Talk Show" of one of the MN ambassadors (Ambies). I believe we are going to discuss the culture differences. Luckly, I doubt it will be long for it is only a short skit to raise the spirits early in the morning. It is hard to believe I still have 36 hours before leaving. It has just been too much fun in such a short time.

muddied once again...

My emotions have been going up and down so much lately I have not bothered to write in here. I just have not felt like doing much. I am slowly bringing myself off the couch once in a while more often. I have not been doing much of anything, but reading. In the past four days I have reread the first and second and most of the third Harry Potter books. Bad- I know. I have done a tiny bit of school work, but not much. I have done a tiny bit of weeding in my "garden" too. Plus I have been off the computer a TON less than usually. That is good. Well, I don't have much more to say at the moment except one thing:
I wish I was a boy.
That's it.
K

There and Back Again

The journey was so long, but ever so rewarding. I don't think I'm going to be able to remember it all in one entry or at least not in this sitting.

My head is groggy from lack of sleep. Teenagers do not value it greatly it seems. They stay up until two in the morn, and then at five they shuffle their feet past my head with their sandles scrapping the sandy floor. I do have to say that the few hours I did sleep were good ones. Where I stayed it is lines after lines of bunkbeds. It was in the top floor of the 4-H building at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds in Minneapolis. (Hey, I had never noticed that Minnesota and Minneapolis both start with the same letters....) That is where the YELLO! conference was. YELLO! stands for Youth Exploring Leadership and Learning Outloud!. It was a good conference. It was different from Iowa's in so many ways that it is not fair to judge them back to back or front to front.

I met quite a few people on my adventure. I think highly of Minneapolis now since visiting it. This is a entry that I wrote a couple nights ago:
(OH! GREAT! I can't find it... well, watch this space for it....)

Meanwhile... this is where I had just come from when I wrote it.

Oh, and I might not be making another entry until more than a week until now... I'm leaving for another conference tommorrow.....

My 100 things

I edited this on September 13, 2003. Somethings have changed and somethings I just rather not share anymore.
1. I do not dress how I would like to
2. I like most food. I usually have to cook it, but going out to eat is a treat.
3. I raise animals, and I really like it, but lately it has become a pain for me.
4. I have had only one boyfriend.
5. During our first date he said that he wanted to marry me, and that he wanted to be sure that I did not mind if we did not have sex until we were married.
6. We stayed together for many months, only seeing each other about once a month.
7. He broke up with me, but I was just using him.
8. I did mind.
9. I currently want to be a writer, but my career choice changes many times a year.
10. I have been homeschooled since the ninth grade.
11. I started because I hated my teachers, and at least one of them hated me.
12. I had and have a 4.0 GPA.
13. I have a problem with scratching at scabs.
14. There are many scars on my body and most of them are self-inflicted.
15. I don't think I have a "condition", just a really bad habit.
16. I was in the nerd class until I stopped going to school all together.
17. I like considering myself a nerd and a freak.
18. I tend to attract nerds and freaks. Particularly gothic/punk freaks.
19. I don't have any friends that I see frequently.
20. Most of my friends live in cyberspace and outside the country in real life.
21. People mistaken me for much older.
22. Then they judge me differently when I tell them my age.
23. I don't like that.
24. I am quite confident that I will not screw up my life. Not too much anyway.
25. This is harder than it looks. I am only a quarter done. I am actually just waiting for one of my cyberspace, punk freak friends to come back so we can finish editing my poem.
26.
27. I don't get sick often.
28. I don't like television, but I'm addicted to it.
29. I watch Survivor, but hate reality TV.
30. I can't spell well. I actually used the spell check on this.
31. I don't on my entries though.
32. I have had a computer with Internet all my life. Really, I'm not lying.
33. I have had a web page since I was ten. That was in 1996.
34. I have only been blogging since April 2003.
35. I was not on the computer much until January 2003 when I joined Pan Historia.
36. I get along better with young children and adults than my peers.
37. I think they understand me better.
38. I hate it when people make stupid grammar and spelling mistakes. Especially when they use the wrong homonym.
39. I am not very good at reaching goals unless they are long term.
40. I think of myself as lazy, but I'm not one to admit it. People don't think I'm lazy.
41. Everything in life seems to come in waves.
42. I'm in a flood right now. I'm leaving for a week and a half of business day after tomorrow.
43. I paint swizzle sticks for my parents.
44. I often think of it as child labor because I don't get paid.
45. If I had all the allowance money that my parents owed, I would have about ten thousand dollars.
46. I had quite a few friends up until leaving jr. high. I just saw them a while ago. I don't know why they were my friends.
47. I hate it when people don't capitalize their "I"s. Are they trying to put themselves down?
48. Sometimes your life quote does not fit every situation.
49. My life quote is: "Don't go down to their level, bring them up to yours."
50. I want everyone to like me.
51. I know that can't happen, so I've kinda' given up on it.
52. I was born in Wisconsin. Madison in fact.
53. I would like to go back there. I often wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed.
54. We moved to Iowa on my fifth birthday.
55. I started kindergarten a few days later.
56. A few days later I broke my arm.
57. I fell off my bicycle that I had received for my birthday in the new house's alley.
58. I used to think that I never really had a childhood, but lately I've realized that I really did.
59. It just ended a bit sooner than a lot.
60. My mother's father died the day after my birthday, but I don't remember what year.
61. His last words to me were "Happy birthday, Katie. Good-bye." as he shut the door to my house.
62. I don't have very good memory.
63. My brother got all of it.
64. My brother and I are exactly the same in things, while exactly the opposite in others.
65. My best friend is just like me. She had the same life, just grew up in a different part of the state. (added- 9-13-03: I don't think she is really my best friend. I would have to say that if you want to be technical in the sense that I have actually seen her. I have much better friends on the Internet.)
66. I only see her every few months. The last time was at her graduation party almost a month ago. I'll see her in a week.
67. I don't like my life currently, but I know it will get much better. I've just got to prepare for it to come.
68. I think I would be beautiful if I lost a few pounds.
69. I consider myself healthy. I just hope that I'm not lying to myself subconsciously.
70. It has been a few minutes since I wrote number 69. I was reading a story by a friend about putting things off.
71. It spoke to me.
72. I think of myself funny.
73. I am often too hard on myself, but I am always wary of people who complement me too much.
74. I am not good at giving out complements.
75. I prefer nonfiction to fiction.
76. I have written over three halfway real children's books. I want to publish one of them.
77. I enjoy British Television over American.
78. I only see about 12 movies a year. Most of them not in the theater.
79. I enjoy plays and musicals. The last one I saw was Cats in February. I was only about five feet away from the stage.
79. I hope to travel the world. First going either to Canada to meet my friends there, or to Europe.
80. I think people should be forgiven for things that they did a long time ago.
81. In most cases.
82. I think of myself as a Democrat, but lately I've been thinking a bit like a Republican.
83. I think people should be able to do whatever they want to their bodies.
84. I don't throw up, and I don't get sunburned, but I have done both this year.
85.
86.
87. Often I wonder if I've met a person before, but never knew who they were.
88. I can easily get jealous.
89. I'm not very good at taming my emotions.
90. When I get excited, I get foolish.
91. I want to go watch Dr. Who, but I have to finish this.
92. I thought this would be easy, but it isn't. I know there are many things interesting about me. I just don't want to tell you them all.
93. I like to ask questions.
94. Sometimes I ask them just to quiz people.
95. Sometimes they don't know what they are talking about.
96. People shouldn't lie because people find out.
97. Don't kid yourself.
98. I like to hand out advice.
99. I really want to get out of my parents' house, but I know I can't.
100. For one thing, I can't drive.

By Mike

Adam muttered profanity under his breath as he stared at the deep red blood sprouting from his finger. A white envelope sat, as if to mock him, on the disheveled desktop. Paper cuts. It never failed; someone with his job got them from time to time. He hurried to apply a bandage to the sore appendage and forgot about it. Adam had enough stuff to do without taking an extended amount of time out of his day to worry about a cut.

Adam decided that, since he was already stopping for a bit, he would walk down to the employee break room to get a cup of coffee. Or was it cappuccino? He never could remember. These big name corporations were always coming up with longer and harder names to pronounce for their usually inept products. They might as well call this stuff "Rat Poison". Adam put a liberal amount of sugar and cream into the sludge to make it easier to swallow down his throat. The little radio with only one working speaker was spouting the daily news as it sat atop the brown, wobbly table. This thing must have been from the 60's. At one time a leg had fallen off and someone had replaced it with a metal bar. It was not the most aesthetically pleasing thing Adam had seen in his 28 years of existence.

"Radical pro-life demonstrators gathered today outside an abortion clinic in Boston. At least one worker was injured while trying to leave the workplace. The crowd dispersed after authorities were called. In world news, a Palestinian teenager set off a bomb strapped to his chest today in a crowded Israeli city street. 11 people were killed, and 14 were injured. One 6 year old girl is in critical care and not expected to live. Israel has released a statement appealing to the UN for help in their conflict with the "Terror known as the Palestinian Republic."

"My god," Adam thought "When will these people get over it? It is just some land! Innocent people are killed over both countries lack of respect for human life, and their lack of effort to attain peace. People never learn."

Rachel walked into the tiny room to find a blonde hair co-worker staring into space, deep in thought. She tried her best not it disturb him, but, due to the size of the room, accidentally hit his chair as she tried to pass to the food machines.

"Oh, shoot, sorry about that. This room is so small…"

"Its ok, I really need to get back to pushing those papers anyways."

"Oh, do you work in the mail department?"

"Yes, I do. I know, crummy job, but it is all I could get my hands on." Adam muttered as he straightened his tie. "What is it that you do?"

"I troubleshoot the computer systems, and keep everything running smoothly, or at least to the best of my ability."

"I am sure you are very good at what you do. Well, it was nice meeting you, see you around."

"Yes, have a nice day!"

Adam thought about the girl off and on through out the whole afternoon. A redhead, she had blue eyes, and she was tall. All things he liked. To bad he did make his move.

All of a sudden, pain shot from his bandaged fingertip. He whimpered from the pain, and quickly pulled off the bandage. The once minute slice in his flesh had grew bigger. His whole fingertip was purple, black, and blue and puss oozed from the cut. He ran towards the restroom to wash it. The moment his finger touched the water, a pain so terrible shot through him that he couldn't see. He yelled loudly and collapsed crying on the yellow-green tile, holding his hand as if it were a small child. Something was horribly wrong with him. He crawled out the door and down the hall before he blacked out.

Adam was having dreams of being contained in a large, clear, plastic globe. He ran to the wall of the sphere and pounded on it as hard as he could. The manmade material didn't budge. He fell backwards and then… woke up. Adam looked around, perspiring. For a moment he thought he was still dreaming, as he was still in a plastic circle. His shirt was off, and he touched his stomach. He could feel it. Surely he was awake! There were people outside this plastic room. He attempted to get up and saw his arm. It was completely purple and black, and the colors were starting to intrude upon the skin of his chest. He yelped and fell backwards, not knowing what was going on.

"What the hell?" he muttered, touching the tender skin. He was diseased, drugged, in pain and someplace strange. Of course this was enough to make anyone edgy. A voice over an intercom came on.

"Good morning, Mr. Rock."

"Morning?"

"Yes, you have been in a coma for two days! We were worried you were not going to wake up anytime soon."

"Where am I?" Adam asked groggily.

"You are in a special contamination room at Oaken Valley Area Hospital."

"Uh….why?"

"I am going to ask you to stretch your memory. Do you remember cutting your finger on an envelope a few days ago?

"Yes, that happens occasionally."

"Did you see who it was addressed to?"

"The CEO. We get a lot of those. They are usually complaints."

"Yes, a complaint, this was definitely one! The envelope was covered in an unknown toxin. We have researchers working around the clock, trying to isolate the substance to your arm, figure out what it is, and find out how to stop it."

"I'm still having a hard time trying to figure out why there would be said toxin on the envelope, to our CEO. The CEO of a company that manufactures pens, for Christ's sake."

"After word of this presumably attempted murder, your boss confessed to insider trading. You know, like Martha Stewart." The doctor joked, smiling and chuckling "The letter was, of course, without a return address. Not even a name on the letter. The note was a morbid one, and we assume that it was from someone that your boss had screwed over in his illegal endeavors."

"So, how long till I can get out of this bubble, Doc?"

"As soon as we are sure we have obliterated the toxin."

"With all do respect, Doc, you need to hurry your ass. What happened when I am covered with this "infection", or whatever the hell it is?"

"Of course, we can't be sure, but it looks like it slowly kills that body. The only conclusion I can draw is that it will make its way to a vital organ and kill you."

Adam shuddered. He kept putting things off until tomorrow, and now he was going to pay the price: things would be left undone, people left unloved, and the world wouldn't know he even existed. At least until the time he had come in contact with this toxin.

I feel like rambling

I'm back from camp. I'm sore. I canoed five hours on the Upper Iowa river. It was fun, but- undiscribable. I have mixed feelings about it. LOL I only tipped over once. It was during the second time I went. Katherine (who I will talk about in a moment) and I hit a tree in the water head on, like you are supposed to, but then the canoe turned and was tipped. Then it got drug by the fast current under it. I went completely under, but Katherine didn't, her hair didn't even get wet. I got the canoe tipped back upright, but it was full of water and heavy. The current was still fast and I was having a hard time holding it, but I did. We finally got it drug to the shore. There were two canoes behind us, including one of the guides so they helped us out, but only after the boys got their canoe stuck in the same tree. LOL I think the guide was really angry.... he said that we had done the right thing, but should have back paddled harder. I think Katherine got nervous and flustered. I was yelling at her to do it, but she didn't soon enough. I was in the back steering. LOL It was fun. I had never canoed on the river before.
Now, I'll talk about Katherine. She is a very interesting thirteen year old. She's really into punk. She even has a lip ring. Her 36 year-old brother is even the manager for Good Charlotte. This summer she is going on tour with them. Her parents are professors of education and biology at a local private university. She always dresses in black, but dressed down for camp. LOL I convinced her not to worry so much about what others think. I told her to be proud of being a "freak". I declared myself as a "nerd and a freak" so everything was good.
Just to warn you all, I'll be leaving for a conference in Minnesota on Monday. I won't be back until Thursday, and THEN I'll be leaving on Saturday not to be back until the Thursday after that. So if I'm gone for a while, that is why. Then I should be around for a while.
This is getting long....

Today I had a meeting at the extension office about family fun night at fair. That went well. Then after that my mom and I went grocery shopping. For supper we had a double cheese burger and CHILI CHEESE FRIES! I love those! They have to be from A&W or they aren't right. After that fatty meal, we went to Becky's to visit her llamas. That was nice, although it always gets me bumed about how run down my farm is compared to her's...

Oh, and before I forget. It seems that we are only going to get one duck this year. None of the others are surviving. We only have one hatched and alive. One duck is still sitting, but I think her eggs are duds.

It is getting a bit late, so anon,
K

The wall has crumbled

Okay, alright, fine. You can go to my webpage now. The link's on the left there....
<--------------
It's not nearly done, but it is presentable. Please check back once in a while. Like I said, it is not done. Have fun.
K

Don't feel like it

I'm not going to make an entry right now, but here is a preview. My friend told me this about my situation:
"Never argue with an idiot...
They'll drag you down to their level
Then beat you with experience"

When I am old

about eighty or so... I probably will no longer be married to my husband... he would have died a few years before. He of course will not be forgotten. I will continue loving his memory. I will have a boyfriend though. He will probably be younger than I am. We will sit together on one of those hard wooden benches in the mall. Near the fountain. We will hold hands and watch the people. The kids throwing coins into the water. Young couples with their arms around eachother. The teenage girls with their fancy makeup and funny hair scowling at people and laughing at others. The young men watching the girls. The babies in their strollers with the young parents looking in the windows of the stores. We will sit. Watching the world go by. We will remember the past, all the while looking to the future. We will be happy. We will be old. We will be the couple that everyone admires.

Silence

The silence was wrenching. The sun was shinning and the sounds of the road could hardly be heard. I look over to her. She is looking away. I look the other direction. The silence is broken. I talk about myself. She does not know much about me. The conversation goes on. It really is a conversation for she throws the ball back instead of dropping it. Once in a while it does drop though. Silence comes back. I say something again, getting nervous. Talking about things that I really do not know why I do. They are private things. She does not know much about me, and in reality she knows even less than I had thought in the beginning. Then the time comes to leave. She does not want to go. She has relaxed. She gives me a hug. The greatest gesture she has ever given. I will see her again soon. Hopefully there will be less silence.