Bertrand Russell, who was briefly swayed by the ontological argument in his youth, called all such arguments nothing more than a case of bad grammar. This is probably because once something is defined with ontological comitting terms, any discussion about said something is restricted to within the scope of that definition. In other words, the inference from "God is defined in such a way that he must exist" to "God exists" is invalid, and silly. By contrast, the inference from "God is defined in such a way that he must exist" to "By definition, God exists" is valid, but uninteresting. One could say the same about one of my own pet deities, the NEFGU (Necessarily Extant Flying Green Unicorn).

Having said all that, it is my pleasure to announce the winner of the May/June 1999 Theist Quote of the Month contest,
with nine votes . . .

TERESITA!!!

--11-- The existence of God is proved by the fact that you, in your denial regarding this Being, already have Him in your understanding, for in hearing Him spoken of you understand what is spoken of. What you understand must exist not only in your understanding, but in reality also, because it is a greater thing to exist in reality AND in the understanding than in the understanding alone, and God is that which is greater than all.

Congratulations to Teresita for earning a place in the alt.atheism Hall of Shame! A very close second place goes to John Pitstab, with eight votes, and James McKee takes third, with seven votes.
Here is the voting record.

--1--
"At least when we do something immoral, we know it's immoral and we don't weasel out of it with some namby-pamby "if it feels good, do it" talk. Even good honest hypocrisy is better than what you have."

Written by Brian Pickrell

Nominated by Red Celt, seconded by Tim DeLaney

VOTES: 5
Chani
Robert Chapman
Scott Davidson
Diem
Peter Kelly

* * * * *
--2--
"Because the Bible is the Written Word of Truth. And God is the Truth. Hence, the Bible is the Word of God."

Written by OrlandoFlorida

Nominated by Archimandrite Paledrim, seconded by John Hattan

VOTES: 1
Carl Funk

[Anyone want to keep track of how many logical fallacies are in that one line? I've counted three so far. -QM]

* * * * *
--3--
"Assertions with urls are the hallmark of atheist idiots."

Written by Bernd Krombacher

Nominated by Chaos Theory, seconded by Frank Wustner

* * * *
--4--
"Before you blast me, consider this: What makes Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers, Prostitutes, Addicts and Murderers convert? Only God can change these lives."

Written by Amos33

Nominated by Dave Fried, seconded by Treelo

VOTES: 2
Matthias Weiss
HR Grmm

[Praise Allah! -QM]

* * * *
--5--
"The gravity of the sin does not make a difference to God. Swearing at your mother and killing her are the same; a deliberate turning away from God."

Written by: James McKee

Nominated by: Dave Fried, Seconded by: NJS

VOTES: 7
Nilone
Daniel McLean
Jessica Wolfman
Elroy Willis
Martin Schlottman
Sen
Cassandra

[I once had a girlfriend who had to work Sundays to help pay for her tuition. James is telling me she might as well have gone out and killed some people! -QM]

* * * *
--6--
"You dont seem to have a very logical grasp on reality do you ?"

Written by: Ed (Oldguyteck)

Nominated by Stoney, Seconded by tiggs

VOTES: 1
Eric

* * * *
--7--
"You must concede there are things that are still unknown, like warp drive or a cure for cancer. Things that we do not know about. These things do indeed exist, but they are unknown, insofar as they do not exist."

Written by: John Pitstab

Nominated by: John Hattan
Seconded by: Liz

VOTES: 8
Nemo
Liz
Niall McAuley
John Hattan
David G. Dick
Ed Stoebenau
James Veverka
Tom Murray

[Yet another shining example of theistic logic: things can be both known and unknown at once! -QM]

* * * *
--8--
"Furthermore, why do people make moral accusations against God? Where do they get their morality from? To use an atheist principle, quite frankly, the universe doesn't care at all what your moral standards are. Granted, this might work on theists who have some sort of notion that God is a love being who only loves people. I tend to think that God hates some people, and hates them a lot, as expressed by the fact that He sends them to hell."

Written by: ("Firstname Lastname")

Nominated by: raven1
Seconded by: Charles R Ward

[I'll bet it's Fred Phelps in disguise. -QM]

* * * *
--9--
"God created evil but is not evil Himself."

Written by: Alan Craft

Nominated by: Jack Thornton
Seconded by: Rumpelstiltskin
VOTES: 2
John Popelish
Charles Ward

* * * *
--10--
"Once again, the Holocaust was to punish, but even when God punishes someone, She feels the pain as well. God sufferes along with Her creation, but one day there will be a better life for those who love God and a terrifying future for the enemies of God. They will see what they have chosen compared to what they could have had."

Written by: ej

Nominated by: raven1
Seconded by: Therion Ware

* * * *
--11--
The existence of God is proved by the fact that you, in your denial regarding this Being, already have Him in your understanding, for in hearing Him spoken of you understand what is spoken of. What you understand must exist not only in your understanding, but in reality also, because it is a greater thing to exist in reality AND in the understanding than in the understanding alone, and God is that which is greater than all.

Written by: Teresita

Nominated by: TheCentralScrutinizer
Seconded by: Scott Davidson

VOTES: 9
Keith Brannen
dotcom
The Laughing Infidel
Dan Fake
Michelle Martin
Michelle Malkin
Dave Holloway
Tom Stoudt
R. Thearle

* * * *
--12--
"My statement about self interest appears to have been unclear. If you believe that acting in self interest is good because it avoids pain and prolongs your life, you still have not answered the question of why you would want to avoid pain and prolong your life anyway."

Written by: ("Firstname Lastname")

Nominated by: raven1
Seconded by: Michelle Malkin

VOTES: 5
Elf Sternberg
Mike
Pat Kiewicz
Pinkyman
Elcam

[Wait, aren't YOU the one who believes that eternal bliss will be achieved just as soon as this earthly life is over with? -QM]

* * * *
--13--
"The only thing public school really taught me was how to use a condom and that I was an insignificant speck in the universe and that when I die I just stop, and that I am an ape with an education. Great education,huh?"

Written by: asaurus

Nominated by: tiggs
Seconded by: Charles R Ward

VOTES: 2
Yang Hu
Decimal

[Yeah, who needs to know all that pesky birth control stuff anyway? God sez, be fruitful, multiply, and overpopulate the earth so that MORE little kids can die of malnutrition! (Incidentally, the human race is scheduled to hit the six-billion mark on October 12 of this year.) -QM]

Quotemeister