Quotes from novels by
Chuck Palahniuk

Chuck is pretty much a parody of himself these days and is working his way towards becoming a hack, but there was a time when he was fresh and had a unique voice. These are some of his more memorable quotes.

Survivor -


“There’s always the chance you could die right in the middle of your life story.”

“We’re all miserable together. It’s the opposite of a victimless crime.”

“You could call me a gentleman’s gentleman but you’d be wrong on both counts.”

“Sex / Shoplifting: You find what you want. You stalk it. You grab it and make it your own. After you’ve had it, you throw it away.”

“Right now, getting killed would be redundant.”

“Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality."

“Everybody thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.”

“Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating the apple was justified?”

‘The truth is I wasn’t a rocket scientist to begin with, and every day I’m losing ground. I’m not stupid, but I’m getting there.’

“If you worry about disaster all the time, that’s what you’re going to get.”

“Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don’t feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours. This seems to really miss the point. I want my whole life lined with topical anesthetic.”

“The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.”

Invisible Monsters –

“…no matter how much you think you love somebody, you’ll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.”

“Hysteria is impossible without an audience.”

“Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.

“New carpet,” Denver [Manus] says, “will exude poisonous formaldehyde for up to two years after it’s been laid.”
Brandy says, “I know that feeling”

Fight Club –

“The first step to eternal life is you have to die.”

“Marla’s philosophy of life, she told me, is that she could die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn’t.”

“Disaster is a natural part of my evolution toward tragedy and dissolution.”

“My boss, at work, he asked me what I was doing about the hole through my cheek that never heals. When I drink coffee, I told him, I put two fingers over the hole so it won’t leak”

“Believe in me and you shall die forever.”

I’ve met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, “Why?”
Why did I cause so much pain?
Didn’t I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness?
Can’t I see how we’re all manifestations of love?
I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God’s got this all wrong.
We are not special.
We are not crap or trash, either.
We just are.
We just are, and what happens just happens.
And God says, “No, that’s not right.”
Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can’t teach God anything.