The above beautiful fairy is
helping me to look after Toma and at
the same time helping to protect
her.
Sleep easy my Toma girl....
To my Dear Sweet Toma girl...
It is now Feb. 11th, 2005 & you have been diagnosed with CRF.
You mean the world to me & somehow I have to find the
strength to go on without you. I truly don't know how I will
be able to do that.
We have been together since you were born on 8/31/91. Your
mother was a stray that showed up on our farm one day & soon
she gave birth to 5 kittens. You had 2 brothers & 2 sisters.
It soon became obvious that you were special & a little
smaller than the rest. But you were faster & smarter than your siblings
& you were so cute. I spent a lot of time outside with you on
my lap. You also spent a lot of time in my arms, inside
the house, while I played chess with our friend & neighbor, Joe.
You were my furry little baby.
When you were 6 weeks old it became obvious that you weren't
gaining the weight that you would need in order to survive outside.
Plus you were sick. Even though I wasn't planning on getting a
kitten at that time - I had to help you. So you came inside to live
& you put little paw prints all over my heart.
And now you have to leave me because your kidneys are failing
& I can't let you go - I just can't. You are my little furry soul
mate. What will I do without you? I go to sleep with you & I start
my day with you. When you were so sick, as a baby, Prednisone
(plus a lot of love...) pulled you through. Now, once again, Prednisone
is keeping you alive but, it isn't going to fix you this time.
You have taught me so much. I have always had a strong
connection with other animals & since we've been together
it is even stronger than before. We read each other so well
& we know what each other is thinking & feeling. I have a
connection with the outside cats too - but - they are not you.
There is only one Toma girl.
As of today, 3/11/05, you are doing well on the Prednisone.
You seem to be back to your old self & I know that I'm in
some fantasy world. But giving up is very difficult for me.
We are kindred spirits.>^.,.^<
It is now Dec. 31st, 2005 & Toma
is still holding on. She actually celebrated her 14th Birthday on Aug. 31st.. I was
so happy since I didn't think that she would make it much longer.>^.,.^<
At the moment she is not feeling so great. :-(
It has been cloudy for days & she is just depressed when she can't
lay in the sun. During the winter it is very beneficial to have the
warmth of the sun to heat-up her little body.
It will be 1yr, on Feb. 11th, 2006 since
Toma was diagnosed with CRF. I can't believe it has been that
long. We're very happy that we are still together & I never take
it for granted. I just want to hold her & never let go. I still
give her 1 Prednisone tablet every other day & she seems to do
fine. I hope that she will continue to do fine for many days to
come.>^.,.^<
It is
now 06/25/06 & Toma has hit a bad patch. I'm very concerned that she
is on the verge of another crash & no matter how many times she has
gone through a "crash" it is always horrible. She hasn't been this bad
for a long time & I'm hoping that this is just a passing problem & that
she will bounce back.
It is now
8/2/06 and Toma is failing. It is Wednesday & you haven't had any
food since Sunday. You are
still drinking water but, that is difficult for you to do. Today is
the first day, since Sunday, that you have come out to the living room
in order to lay on your window seat (see photo below.). It is so good
to see you in your usual places. I opened a can of tuna for you - hoping
that you would drink some of the juice but, you aren't interested in it.
That's okay because I'm not going to force anything on you. You have
worked with me, the last year & a half, battling CRF & every moment
we have had has been precious. We will face this together like we
always have my sweet Toma girl...
Here
is Toma laying on her
window seat on 8/2/06.
The date is 8/23/06 & Toma has made a come back. As sick as she
was - well - it's just unbelievable that she is still with me.
Her appetite is better but, it's not what I would like to see - at
least she is eating again. Toma will celebrate her 15th Birthday
on 8/31/06 & I thought there wasn't a chance of that happening.:-)
Once again - you have amazed me, my dear sweet Toma...>^.,.^<
Toma enjoying some gifts from her 15th Birthday.
This was taken on 11/11/06.
I had just given her a new
Fat Cat scratchy box &
she just loved it...
Well - here we are Toma - at the time that we knew would come. It
was about 3:45 PM when you passed as I held you & spoke to you softly
of my love for you. It was the hardest experience of my life but,
I had promised you that I would be with you always - no matter what.
My beloved Toma girl was put to sleep while
I gently held her still. She passed after her long 2 year battle with CRF -
kidney disease.
She was very ill for the last week of her life - it was
horrible. We had the Vet come out to our home to do it.
My face was pressed into her furry side as I calmly said over &
over again that I love her as Mike, our Vet, gave her the shot that ended
her suffering. I felt her life leave her body & I will never forget
how that felt. Dale, or "Dizzy Daddy" as Toma called him :-), was
here as she was released from her pain. He was crying as I held
her at the end. I'm so very grateful that he was here with us. He
loved her, too. My heart is so damaged that I am unable to continue
on. I have been through many losses but - this loss is so much
worse - there are no words for this pain. I just can't cope with
it & I do believe that I am at my limits. I simply can't
go on without her. My God - she's been my constant companion
since she was born on Aug. 31st, 1991. She is woven into the
tapestry of my world - my life. The end came too soon but, our
time together was precious & meaningful & I wouldn't trade it for
anything. Good-bye my furry little soul mate - we will always
be as one... 12/20/06:-(
This is
the last photo that I took of my
sweet Toma girl. The date
was Dec.15th,
2006 & the time was around 10 PM. She
was,
finally past the pain & she was finally
at peace - rest easy
Toma girl & please
know that I will always love you...
Toma - it is now 1/3/07 & I miss you all the time. My tears just
keep falling - there doesn't seem to be an end. I continue to carry
(& sleep with it, too...) the orange towel that you spent your
last 2 days on. It also covered you at the end. I can't seem to
find my footing without you - it just doesn't work. My Multiple Sclerosis is
much worse, too. I need your pretty little face in my world...
This
plaque was made for me by Sweetness
from The WOSIB Critters' Garden.
Thank you from
the bottom of my broken heart...
After Toma passed I entered her into the
"Pet of the Month" & the kind women of the
Critters'
Garden voted for her as the Jan. 2007 winner.
Thank you &
I'm sure that Toma would be pleased...>^.,.^<
© Revised 2/20/07 Kathy Kramer
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