Baby Toma

This beauty came from Whitefire.Please visit her site listed below...
The above beautiful fairy is
helping me to look after Toma and at
the same time helping to protect her.
Sleep easy my Toma girl....
Visit Whitefire's site through here...

To my Dear Sweet Toma girl...
It is now Feb. 11th, 2005 & you have been diagnosed with CRF. You mean the world to me & somehow I have to find the strength to go on without you. I truly don't know how I will be able to do that.

Toma on the bed.

We have been together since you were born on 8/31/91. Your mother was a stray that showed up on our farm one day & soon she gave birth to 5 kittens. You had 2 brothers & 2 sisters.

Baby Toma in my hat.

It soon became obvious that you were special & a little smaller than the rest. But you were faster & smarter than your siblings & you were so cute. I spent a lot of time outside with you on my lap. You also spent a lot of time in my arms, inside the house, while I played chess with our friend & neighbor, Joe. You were my furry little baby.

Baby Toma in my hat,again.

When you were 6 weeks old it became obvious that you weren't gaining the weight that you would need in order to survive outside. Plus you were sick. Even though I wasn't planning on getting a kitten at that time - I had to help you. So you came inside to live & you put little paw prints all over my heart.

Toma on one of her perches.

And now you have to leave me because your kidneys are failing & I can't let you go - I just can't. You are my little furry soul mate. What will I do without you? I go to sleep with you & I start my day with you. When you were so sick, as a baby, Prednisone (plus a lot of love...) pulled you through. Now, once again, Prednisone is keeping you alive but, it isn't going to fix you this time.

Toma trying to sleep.

You have taught me so much. I have always had a strong connection with other animals & since we've been together it is even stronger than before. We read each other so well & we know what each other is thinking & feeling. I have a connection with the outside cats too - but - they are not you. There is only one Toma girl.

Toma with her fresh catnip.

As of today, 3/11/05, you are doing well on the Prednisone. You seem to be back to your old self & I know that I'm in some fantasy world. But giving up is very difficult for me. We are kindred spirits.>^.,.^<

Toma & some of her toys.

It is now Dec. 31st, 2005 & Toma is still holding on. She actually celebrated her 14th Birthday on Aug. 31st.. I was so happy since I didn't think that she would make it much longer.>^.,.^< At the moment she is not feeling so great. :-( It has been cloudy for days & she is just depressed when she can't lay in the sun. During the winter it is very beneficial to have the warmth of the sun to heat-up her little body.

Toma's 13th Birthday with one of her gifts.

It will be 1yr, on Feb. 11th, 2006 since Toma was diagnosed with CRF. I can't believe it has been that long. We're very happy that we are still together & I never take it for granted. I just want to hold her & never let go. I still give her 1 Prednisone tablet every other day & she seems to do fine. I hope that she will continue to do fine for many days to come.>^.,.^<

Toma at play.

It is now 06/25/06 & Toma has hit a bad patch. I'm very concerned that she is on the verge of another crash & no matter how many times she has gone through a "crash" it is always horrible. She hasn't been this bad for a long time & I'm hoping that this is just a passing problem & that she will bounce back.

Toma watching me from the window.

It is now 8/2/06 and Toma is failing. It is Wednesday & you haven't had any food since Sunday. You are still drinking water but, that is difficult for you to do. Today is the first day, since Sunday, that you have come out to the living room in order to lay on your window seat (see photo below.). It is so good to see you in your usual places. I opened a can of tuna for you - hoping that you would drink some of the juice but, you aren't interested in it. That's okay because I'm not going to force anything on you. You have worked with me, the last year & a half, battling CRF & every moment we have had has been precious. We will face this together like we always have my sweet Toma girl...

This is Toma on her window seat on 8/2/06.
Here is Toma laying on her
window seat on 8/2/06.

The date is 8/23/06 & Toma has made a come back. As sick as she was - well - it's just unbelievable that she is still with me. Her appetite is better but, it's not what I would like to see - at least she is eating again. Toma will celebrate her 15th Birthday on 8/31/06 & I thought there wasn't a chance of that happening.:-) Once again - you have amazed me, my dear sweet Toma...>^.,.^<

Toma on 08/31/06.
Toma enjoying some gifts from her 15th Birthday.

Toma on 11/11/06.
This was taken on 11/11/06.
I had just given her a new
Fat Cat scratchy box &
she just loved it...

Well - here we are Toma - at the time that we knew would come. It was about 3:45 PM when you passed as I held you & spoke to you softly of my love for you. It was the hardest experience of my life but, I had promised you that I would be with you always - no matter what. My beloved Toma girl was put to sleep while I gently held her still. She passed after her long 2 year battle with CRF - kidney disease.

The cute little bears came from WOSIB group.

She was very ill for the last week of her life - it was horrible. We had the Vet come out to our home to do it. My face was pressed into her furry side as I calmly said over & over again that I love her as Mike, our Vet, gave her the shot that ended her suffering. I felt her life leave her body & I will never forget how that felt. Dale, or "Dizzy Daddy" as Toma called him :-), was here as she was released from her pain. He was crying as I held her at the end. I'm so very grateful that he was here with us. He loved her, too. My heart is so damaged that I am unable to continue on. I have been through many losses but - this loss is so much worse - there are no words for this pain. I just can't cope with it & I do believe that I am at my limits. I simply can't go on without her. My God - she's been my constant companion since she was born on Aug. 31st, 1991. She is woven into the tapestry of my world - my life. The end came too soon but, our time together was precious & meaningful & I wouldn't trade it for anything. Good-bye my furry little soul mate - we will always be as one... 12/20/06:-(

Toma girl at peace - finally...
This is the last photo that I took of my
sweet Toma girl. The date was Dec.15th,
2006 & the time was around 10 PM. She
was, finally past the pain & she was finally
at peace - rest easy Toma girl & please
know that I will always love you...

Dear sweet Toma...

Toma - it is now 1/3/07 & I miss you all the time. My tears just keep falling - there doesn't seem to be an end. I continue to carry (& sleep with it, too...) the orange towel that you spent your last 2 days on. It also covered you at the end. I can't seem to find my footing without you - it just doesn't work. My Multiple Sclerosis is much worse, too. I need your pretty little face in my world...

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Thanks Sis...

This plaque was made for me by Sweetness
from The WOSIB Critters' Garden. Thank you from
the bottom of my broken heart...

After Toma passed I entered her into the
"Pet of the Month" & the kind women of the
Critters' Garden voted for her as the Jan. 2007 winner.
Thank you & I'm sure that Toma would be pleased...>^.,.^<

© Revised 2/20/07 Kathy Kramer