Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting...

by Henry Wyckoff

Standard Disclaimers Apply

The little weasel was unceremoneously thrown onto the tile floor, where the old, regal man sat in his throne. "So... Lee. You're here at last. Do you have anything to say for yourself."

The weasel was blubbering on his knees. "P- p- please! Please, Uncle Chu! Just let me explain!"

The old man smiled, "What is there to explain?" he opened his hands, putting his palms up.

"Duncan MacLeod says his kung fu is better than yours!"

"WHAAAAAAAT?" the old man stood up in anger, looking less old, and more like a raging tiger. "Hmph! We'll have to see about that!"

* * *

Duncan was working out in the gym, going through one of his katas, when he felt the presence of an immortal. Stopping, he looked through the doors and saw an old man and a weasle.

"Ha Chu," Duncan whispered.

"Gesundheit!" said the weasel happily, then on a stern look from his uncle, got frightened and tried to sneak away.

Chu ignored his weasel nephew and yelled at Duncan, "My nephew says that you think your kung fu is better than mine!" He threw off his fur-lined coat, revealing the black uniform of a Chinese bureaucrat. Then he fought an imaginary opponent, making lots of [snap] and [rustle] noises. Then he froze in a very uncomfortable posture, his fingers making claws, "HAaaaaaaawwwwWWWIEEEE!"

//Oh God! The form of the 'Funky Chicken!'// Duncan tried to talk the old man out of the fight. "There must be some misunderstanding! I don't want to fight you! I don't even know what this is about!"

"LIAR!" yelled Chu, and leaped forty feet into the air, his clothes rustling loudly enough to be heard outside. "HAAAAAA!"

"Hm!" Duncan also jumped into the air.

They intercepted midway, blocking one another's flying kicks, and landed on their feet. Then the true fighting began.

"Hmm!" "Haa!" [thump] [ruffle] [tumble] "Oof!" "Hmm!" They threw blindingly-fast punches at one another, each of them blocked with a different block, each one graceful and artistic.

"Hmm! Your kung fu is good! Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod! But not enough!" He changed his styles from the Funky Chicken to... "Taste the fury of the Iron Sloth!"

"No! Movements... too... slow... Can't... stay... awake!"

"Aha! And now I will show you truly how good my kung fu is!"

But Duncan had a trick up his sleeve. He leaped into the air, landing near the karaoke speaker, where he grabbed the mike and began singing, "Exit night! Enter light! Graaaaain of saaaand..."

Chu held his hands over his ears, sinking to his knees. "No! The sounds of karaoke and Pat Boone imitating Metallica are too much!"

Duncan grinned like a wolf. "Do you yield?"

"NEVER! No man has better kung fu than Ha Chu!"

"Gesundheit!" yelled the Animaniacs, running across the dojo, and into the elevator. Soon, they were both out of the scene.

Duncan, the weasel, and Chu shrugged. "Obligatory cameo."

Duncan then smiled, "You leave me no choice!" He turned the mike into the speaker, where this horrible screeching assaulted everyone's ears. Barely above it, they could hear Duncan singing, "The hills are alive with the sound of feedback!"

Chu's eyes widened, and he snarled, "Grrr..." At this point, he'd be expected to look at some trivial wound, wipe the blood off it with his hand, look at the hand with blood, then the wound, and growl again, staring at Duncan. But he had no wound, so he made a wound himself, and went through the expected ritual...

"AAAAAAAH!!!!" Chu roared in anger, and leaped into the air, landing a foot away from Duncan.

"Your Karaoke Style is no match for... The Cassandra!"

Duncan started backing up in fright as Chu took on a slumped posture, unwrapping his hair queue, and whimpering, "Dunkie! You have no idea how evil Methos is!" He then fluttered his eyelashes at him.

A glimmer of evil genius lit up above his head, and he said, "Then by all means kill that evil Methos! He's over there!"

The weasel yelped as Chu screamed in a high-pitched voice, "Methos! Pay! Pay dearly! Here's for making me wear a French Maid outfit! And-- and -- for making me star in a bad musical!"

The weasel yelped as Chu used his superior kung fu. That yelp turned into a scream as he realized that Chu was using the Angry Chicken Farmer Style...

..."Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod! You have great honor in steering me from the error of my ways! Please accept my apologies!"

"Apologies accepted, great Master Chu! Your kung fu was magnificent!"

"But of course!"

They both laughed in stacatto, "HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!"

The End

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