A Beer Commercial We'd All Like to See

by Henry Wyckoff

Two guys are arguing.


"Duke Nukem!"


"Duke Nukem!"

Amanda interrupts them, holding up a bottle of 'Sloshed Beer'. "Let's do both!" She slams it down on the TV, and the cable switcher and game system merge into one unit. The scene turns into a lifelike Duke Nukem scene.

A faceless announcer pipes up, "Today, on Duke Highlander, we have two challengers going for a Deathmatch! It's Duncan MacLeod and Kenny!"

Zoom in on a smiling Kenny setting up a whole spider's web of laser bombs. These little guys shoot out red laser beams, and if they're tripped, they go off. The whole room is woven with them. Nobody, even with a jetpack, is getting through.

He calls out as he sees Mac approaching down the hall. "You're ugly!"

Mac smiles, pulling out his RPG. "Come get some!"

Kenny tries to backpedal, but one of the guys controlling the joystick is too drunk to have good reflexes, so he ends up tripping off all the laser bombs. "You'll die for that!" The whole room blows up as about fifty bombs go off. That, and the grenade that hit him in the chest.

"It hurts to be you . . . " Mac laughs.

"Great game!" says one beer drinker.

"Great beer!" says the other.

"Great pickin's!" smiles Amanda, as she sneaks out with two wallets stuffed with $20s, grinning like a fiend. "Remember: if you want class, get champagne . . . but if you want to score, then get 'Sloshed Beer'!"

Skip to Dunkie's loft, where Amanda says, "Dunkie! I brought home some beer!"

The End

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