I'vegone through some times...
I've gone through some times that have given me scars,
on my body, my soul, and my heart.
I've aimed for some goals, those both near and the stars,
that in hindsight, seem doomed from the start.
Strive though I might, for these goals that I've sought,
that I'm sure I've had no way to reach,
it would seem that my battles were foolishly fought
and the pain would assuredly teach.
Either teach me to know to reach for less things,
or to reach out for nothing at all;
to live in the fear of all that life brings,
and to hide from its summoning call.
And in truth I do feel the fear of those pains
that experience keeps showing are due;
to fear that the losses ever outweigh the gains
so to leave me continually blue.
And I think that this, perchance explains why,
I fight on though it seems my cause lost.
Because deeper than this fear is a fear within I
that to quit runs too dear a cost.
For it seems that the ups and the downs that I feel
each time that I find I'm involved,
go further and further to extremes near unreal
'til the point my connection's dissolved.
Then comes the part that disturbs me the most,
I reach a point where I feel less and less
and I live longer and longer my life as a ghost,
maybe there...maybe not...it's your guess.
So here I am now - this is the point I am at,
to somehow try to make this work out;
if I 'let' this one go, I'll try to see that
I don't get involved (no pain) - no doubt.
December 24, 1996