AGROS MINISTRIES

Stages of a church Fight

Keith Drury

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Church fights escalate. They start small, but eventually can get whipped into a gigantic and destructive inferno. Sometimes the blaze starts as a hiss between two members. More recently it starts as a difference between a member and the pastor. Like a divorce it can start with a little spark, but it eventually turns wild and destructive consuming everything in its path. A local church holocaust. What are the stages?

Stage one: Explain

At the lowest stage the member disagrees with the pastor and assumes the pastor doesn't understand. The member goes to explain how he or she feels or believes. Or maybe to explain the history here at this church so the pastor can understand and change. Explaining will resolve the difference. At this stage the member will talk to the pastor or write a letter if the pastor is approachable. if not, they will often telegraph their feelings through someone else.

Stage two: Persuade

But explanation sometimes fails to change things. If it does, the member realizes the pastor is not just misinformed, but apparently is simply wrong. There is a difference of opinion. So the member switches from explanation to persuasion. So does the pastor, launching a training program, promoting a book supporting their position, or hauling off their members to a conference which will support the pastor's stance. If the member feels their mind is equal with the pastor's an argument may ensue as both try to persuade the other. If the member feels ill-equipped to go up against the pastor, they will likely give the pastor a book or article supporting their position. The pastor is trying to persuade the member and the member is trying to persuade the pastor. Resolution is still possible through persuasion and compromise.

Stage three: Win

Sometimes persuasion fails. Often. When a member fails to persuade the pastor or visa versa the member turns inward at first. Am I wrong?. Am I alone? If they are indeed alone, they will often drop their case and shut up or switch churches. They are seldom alone. When others agree it turns into a plural tense fight. The conflict rises to stage three. There's a group who has a beef against the pastor. Before long there will be two groups. A second group will rise to defend the pastor, pitting themselves against the first group. There will be "sides" in the quarrel. Factions. Each side will guard what they say to the "other" side. People with no opinions on the original issue will soon be drawn into the fray. Division prevails. The original disagreement fades and the new goal is to win. Both sides want to win. The option for compromise fades rapidly.

Stage four: Remove

Like a forest fire feeding on its own heat, the conflict soon rages out of control. The pastor-opposers realize the only way they can truly win is if they get rid of the pastor. The pastor feels likewise about the opposers. The members work for removal -- through the elective process, or (easier) by working behind the scenes to make life so miserable the pastor will resign anyway. This stage may take a year, it is exceedingly messy, and seldom gets resolved without outside intervention. The pastor's supporters are pushed from arguing the original issue to simply defending the pastor, which gets harder to do as people start leaving the church, disgusted with the whole mess. Some of the pastor's supporters waver, admitting that the only way to get peace may be with a fresh start and a fresh pastor. Even now the pastor can escape with hide intact. But not for long.

Stage five: Ruin

If resignation or removal does not happen properly the conflagration rises to a stage five forest fire. The pastor's enemies are no longer satisfied with getting the pastor out -- they want to ruin the pastor. Stage five fighters are fanatics. The fight is now a jihad. The local church becomes Belfast or Palestine. The pastor at this stage is not just kicked out the door -- he or she is shot in the back while fleeing.

What a forest fire a little spark can ignite!

What are the lessons in all of this? If you were teaching ministerial students as I do, what advice would you give to help them avoid getting burned in a fire like this?

Tuesday Column FREEware by Keith Drury You are free to transmit, duplicate or publish this article without permission. The collection of Keith Drury's Writings; http://www.indwes.edu/tuesday/

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